


your tells aren't so obvious

by sibley (ferns)



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Acceptance, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Coming Out, F/M, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Neurodivergency, Pre-Episode: s04ep01 The Flash Reborn, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:30:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15141173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferns/pseuds/sibley
Summary: Cynthia's been thinking about how she's going to do this since their very first date, and she's beentryingto do it for a week. In the end, it's Cisco who sits her down, not the other way around.





	your tells aren't so obvious

**Author's Note:**

> Cindy is trans fuck the Flash writers room.
> 
> Warning for mentions of forced outings and transphobic attacks, but nothing is graphic and mainly implied. Also, this is the first time I've gone out of my way to write Cisco as cis, which is... weird.

Cynthia is pretty sure Cisco’s starting to notice that she’s been trying to tell him something for about a week. If he _hadn’t_ noticed, she’d be a little concerned. His observation skills could use some work but he’s not _that_ oblivious. After her fifth time silently staring at him and then muttering to herself, even he could see that she was stopping herself from saying something.

So she’s not _entirely_ surprised when _he’s_ the one who sits _her_ down on his couch and asks if there’s something she wants to talk to him about. Completely open and nonthreatening. His hair is pulled back and he’s in sweatpants and a fucking My Neighbor Totoro t-shirt. On a good day, she could beat him in a fight with her hands tied behind her back. On a bad day, she’d need one of the hands untied. The sun falling through the window behind him makes him look positively angelic.

Cynthia is, for perhaps the sixth time in her life, absolutely _terrified._

There was no need for this with her old partner. They’d _known._ And they’d been great about it. Even if they had found out through one of the girls who tried to get Cynthia kicked out of the locker room. She’d wished she’d been able to do something like this with them more than once, just like they’d wished they could have with her, but no.

Instead, this experience had to happen through Cisco. She’s done it before, but not with people like Cisco. People she actually likes. Loves. She loves him. She loves him and she’s going to tell him and she might be sick before she can even say anything. Cynthia loves Cisco to pieces because he’s _great,_ which is why this is going to be so _hard._ He’s the kind of too-good-to-be-true great that’s _so_ easy to ruin. The kind that’s going to come crashing down around your ears one of these days.

More than anything, Cynthia’s sure it’s going to be this that ruins it. More than her dad, when Cisco inevitably meets him. That horrible dread feeling in her bones just keeps getting worse and worse. _Something_ is going to go wrong. He’s not going to understand. Or he’s going to get violent and she’s going to have to leave or fight him or _something-_

Cynthia refused to let herself peek into the future and see what would happen when she told him. Maybe she should have. Maybe she would’ve kept herself safer that way. God, she hopes she isn’t making a mistake. What if he’s mad that she didn’t tell him sooner? What if he’s mad that she exists? What if he’s-

“You’re shaking,” Cisco says softly. He reaches out to squeeze her hand. “Are you okay? I haven’t seen you this bad since-well-ever.”

Dammit, why did Cisco have to be so sweet? Why couldn’t he be yelling at her already so that she didn’t _actually_ have to do this? Cynthia threads her fingers through her hair and pulls. Cisco doesn’t stop her. Cynthia never thought she’d be _wishing_ for him to treat her like shit.

“I’ve got something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” It comes out way more choked than she was expecting. Cisco winces and rubs his thumb over the back of her hand, raising an eyebrow when she looks at him in a silent inquiry about whether this is okay. She nods but tugs her hands in closer to herself anyway.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Cisco tells her. Gentle. “Unless you’ve got, like-a terminal illness or something-” He’s not _entirely_ sure if he’s trying to lighten the mood or not. Terminal illnesses don’t usually lighten moods. “You-you _don’t_ have a terminal illness, do you?”

Cynthia shakes her head. “No. I don’t. I just-” She squeezes her own hands. She can’t do this. She can’t do this. She has to do this but she can't do this. “Fuck!”

“It’s alright. Deep breaths. I’m here, alright? Just focus on me. On my vibrations. In and out. I'm right here to help you focus.” Cynthia’s barely aware that he’s parroting back the things she says to him during his panic attacks. She wants to protest that she’s _not_ having a panic attack, to lie and say that she hasn’t had a real one in years, but her mouth just isn’t working.

“Cisco,” Cynthia gets out, grinding her knuckles on one hand into the wrist of her other arm.

"Yeah?" She can feel him tracing circles on her knee before she pulls it away. She can't be touched right now. She just  _can't_ be. 

Cynthia needs to force herself to say it now. Now or never. She _has_ to get the words out now or she’s never going to tell him and he’s going to find out on his own or someone else will tell him and it’ll all just be one big clusterfuck. “I’m trans. Transgender.”

She can’t bring herself to look at Cisco’s face. She _can’t._ She doesn’t want to see how angry he’s going to be. She doesn’t want to see the disgust on his face. The way his face is going to tighten when he realizes that she’s serious. That this really is what she’s been trying to tell him for a week.

“Sorry,” Cisco says, and _that’s_ when Cynthia finally looks up. “There’s, uh, really no good way to ask this. Do you mean you’re a _boy,_ or-” He stops at her violent flinch backwards. “Okay. So. Sorry. I just wasn’t sure if you wanted me to start, you know, changing pronouns and stuff?” He bites his lip. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming out as a man or a woman, is what I’m saying.”

“Woman.” Cynthia digs her nails into her thigh through her black pants. The pain is dulled, but at least it’s still something grounding. “I’m a woman. I-yeah. I am.”

“So nothing changes, then.” Cisco tilts his head and Cynthia’s breath catches. Cisco amends himself fast. “Unless you want it to? If there’s something I’ve been doing that makes you uncomfortable-that can change. That can totally change. You just gotta talk to me, girl.”

Cynthia digs her nails in deeper. Her lungs feel like they’re being squeezed by a vice. He hasn’t started yelling yet and he’s reacting _well,_ better than she could’ve ever hoped for, but… “Does this matter to you?”

Cisco considers for a moment. “Yes,” he says honestly. “I was going to say no, but it does. Because it matters to _you._ Which means it matters to me. But I don’t…” He frowns. “I don’t want to say that I don’t care, because I know it’s important to you, and I know it was hard for you to tell me. But like I said, this doesn’t change anything between us. Not unless you want it to.”

“I don’t.” Cynthia’s voice is raw, but the tightness in her chest is starting to unravel. He’s not yelling. He’s not violent. He hasn’t told her to get out and never come back. He’s not like half of her string of exes. Things haven’t gone this well since Kate, when they were still doing that friends with benefits thing. “Unless this is some kind of fetish thing for you, then-”

“I promise, it’s not.” Carefully, Cisco reaches out and squeezes her knee. “I love you. All of you. It’s not an ‘even if’ thing, okay, Cindy? I love you.” He feels her trembling starting to subside and takes that as a good sign. “I fell in love with a beautiful woman who totally let me win a completely unfair fight to the death who didn’t tell me her real name until after, like, five dates, and let me call her ‘Ghost’ the whole time we were at a fancy restaurant because for some reason I thought _that_ would be more fun than ice cream.”

Cynthia leans forward and bumps their foreheads together. “I maintain that you shouldn’t have waited until our second date to tell me that there was coffee-flavored ice cream.” She swallows and her hair tickles Cisco's cheek a little. “You’re _sure_ that this doesn't-"

“Cindy. Cynthia. Hey. I love you. Okay? I’m glad you told me, and I’m glad you felt like you _could_ tell me, even though you were… Okay, I know you don’t get ‘scared’ of anything other than the spider nest in my bathroom, tough girl, but I’m glad you could tell me even though you were worried. I. Love. You.” He takes her hand. “Can I kiss you?”

He waits for her to finish nodding before closing the distance. Cynthia closes her eyes, melts into him, and lets herself enjoy the sunshine.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm danteramon on tumblr.


End file.
